We have all heard the exhortation to lead by example.  It is so simplistic and obvious, yet it is so uncommon in practice that it bears repeating.  All leaders do well to remind themselves that their followers will follow what they do much more than what they say–both positive and negative.  This makes it extremely important for leaders to be above reproach, maintaining the highest standards of ethics and excellence, but it also provides an amazingly powerful leadership tool that can have widespread benefit throughout any organization.

You Are Being Watched

It has been said that integrity is doing what is right when no one is looking, but as leaders we need to assume that someone is always looking.  I recall a time when I was in the first sergeant’s office along with a few enlisted leaders.  A junior enlisted member had been irresponsible, so we were dealing with the situation.  Since the member aspired to one day be an officer, the first sergeant alluded to me, saying that as I could attest officers live in glass houses.  She was absolutely right. The lives of everyone in leadership can be seen and scrutinized by others.  The higher the position of leadership, the more visibility there is…and that extends to every aspect of life.  People will notice when you show up and when you leave, how you treat them and others, how you spend your time when you’re around them, and so on.  They will notice how diligently you work and conversely when you are just scrolling through your phone.  They will also notice nonverbal cues: do you appear confident or worried?  Are you present in the moment when interacting with them or mentally distant?  Do you take time to really listen or do you just listen to respond? 

Another important factor is how you handle problems when brought to your attention.  Do you merely pay them lip service then fail to act?  Do you address them quickly?  Do you gather enough information about the problem and solicit inputs from people of all levels and backgrounds?  Do you “shoot first and ask questions later” when it comes to problem solving? 

Signs of character are also being watched.  Do your words and actions indicate genuine care for others or self-promotion?  Do you recognize the contributions of others?  Do you claim the accomplishments of others your own?  Are you honest, even about your mistakes and shortcomings?  Do you take responsibility both for yourself and shortcomings in the system?  After all, according to W. Edwards Deming the system is your responsibility? 

This also extends to time off work, especially as you rise in the organization.  Do you exhibit healthy work-life balance or are you a workaholic?  Do you display integrity in your personal affairs?  Does your social media presence have the potential of bringing discredit upon you or the organization?  All of these are questions every leader should ask.

In this, it is not only important what is true but what is perceived.  There is a common military saying: “perception is reality”.  Sometimes what people perceive is even more powerful than what is actually happening.  For example, a squadron commander at a base where I was stationed told about how his enlisted superintendent confronted him about how late he was working.  In reality, he was not working late.  Instead, he would run to the gym, do his workout, then run back to the office before going home.  But through all of this, his car was in his parking spot, giving the appearance that he was still in the office working.  This had put pressure on others to stay late just because they thought the commander was–pressure that was completely unintentional and unknown by the commander who was exerting it.  Therefore, all leaders must be careful how they are perceived.  It is true that we cannot control how everyone perceives us, but there are many things we can do to greatly improve the chances that their perception will match reality. 

Take Advantage of the Glass House

If you think this sounds daunting, you are not alone.  This is yet another example of how leadership is a high and challenging calling.  As I discussed in my leadership paper, the leadership ideal is unattainable, but the closer we can get to it, the better it will be for us and our people.  Therefore, that leadership ideal is worth striving for.  In the same way, it is unrealistic to expect that we will never do anything that will set a negative example, but that is no reason to shy away from it.  The fact that leaders are always being watched is also a huge opportunity. 

We often focus on the negative aspects of the glass house, rightly seeking to avoid setting a bad example.  But the glass house can be one of the most powerful tools a leader has to influence positive traits.  If you want your people to treat each other well, let them see you treat them well.  If you want your people to maintain a healthy work-life balance, model a healthy work-life balance for them to see.  If you want your people to not hesitate to bring up problems, bring them up yourself and take steps to solve them.  If you want people to focus on the success of the team rather than climbing the corporate ladder at the expense of the team, model a selfless focus on the team yourself.  If you want your people to work diligently, they should always be catching you working diligently as well.  Leadership is about influence, and this type of positive influence is extremely powerful, so take advantage of it.

A Personal Example

A while back, I had an opportunity to practice this.  I was accompanying our colonel on a work trip to visit our nearly four dozen enlisted personnel at another base.  Part of this involved accompanying them for physical training in the morning. When we arrived, we found out they would be doing a mock fitness test to help them to identify what areas they needed to work on.  In a selfish sense, I had every reason to put forth minimal effort on this.  I had just passed my test a couple months prior, we had gotten in late the night before, it was very hot and humid, and I definitely wasn’t in optimal condition.  But I wasn’t just there for myself.  As the second highest ranking person there, I was being watched.  Everyone there knew who I was, so my performance would influence theirs.  Also, unlike the colonel who was very fit, my body was much more “normal” so I represented a fitness level that is achievable for most people.

This was especially important since they were software developers, many of whom struggled with physical fitness.  In many ways I could relate.  As a child and teenager, I was overweight and not very active.  Until I was a senior in high school, I put forth minimal effort toward physical fitness.  At that point I joined the cross-country team but was still not all that serious about fitness.  It was only after entering the military that I got serious about working out, and in time I came to enjoy it.  In a year, I lost about thirty pounds and gained both strength and endurance.  Since then, I have had varying degrees of success in keeping that wight off and maintaining strength and cardio ability, but I still enjoy my workouts.  Rather than doing the equivalent of cramming before a fitness test, I try to stay in shape throughout the year, with the goal of being able to take the test with minimal notice if I have to.  On that morning over a decade after getting serious about fitness, I would put that training to the test, so I put forth maximum effort.  If it had been a real test, I would have received an excellent score.  More importantly, these enlisted personnel were able to see an officer much older than most of them with a normal looking body and fitness routine doing well.  If it was possible for me, it would be possible for them too. I was trying to take advantage of the glass house.

Setting the Example

Fitness also proves another way we should lead by example: just show up.  In my experience, attendance at physical training is much better when the colonel regularly shows up.  As leaders, we rarely if ever have to be the best or smartest in what we are doing, but the fact that we show up and apply ourselves is enough to motivate others to show up and apply themselves as well.  It also avoids one of the worst examples a leader can set: hypocrisy.  Few things are as demotivational as hypocrisy from a leader, and few things are so effective at undermining trust in an organization.  Our actions must match our words, and when they don’t we must acknowledge that and work to rectify it. 

We need to set a good example, but no one expects us to set a perfect example.  Too many leaders think that setting a good example means never showing any signs of weakness, never admitting to any mistakes, and never asking for help.  But since everyone knows that leaders like all people are at times weak, make mistakes, and need help, it is actually refreshing and helpful for people to hear their leaders acknowledge that.  Certainly there are times in which the leader’s fears and uncertainties would unnecessarily burden the people if shared, so in those cases it is wise to refrain from sharing.  However, in most cases the people share those same fears and concerns, so when the leader shares them while being careful to instill hope, it will not burden the people but help everyone together to come up with a solution.  As I observed here, honesty and humility go a long way.

This type of openness certainly takes a significant culture shift from common leadership wisdom that is persistent in many organizations today.  I am reminded of a scene in U-571, when the lieutenant admits to a junior sailor that he doesn’t know.  The chief petty officer then privately chastises the lieutenant for this, saying “You’re the captain. You always know, even when you don’t”.  Many leaders still believe that. Interestingly, around the time that film came out, a real submarine captain realized how foolish it was for him to act as if he knew everything.  As a result, he created a trusting and empowering culture on his submarine that propelled them from worst to first.  That captain was L. David Marquet, and he tells that story in Turn the Ship Around.  On the surface, D. Michael Abrashoff did the same thing at around the same time, recounting the tale in It’s Your Ship.  Both are worth reading.  This is also key to Simon Sinek’s Infinite Game and much of emerging leadership wisdom.  As this becomes more prevalent, this type of openness will become celebrated rather than disdained.   

Conclusion

As leaders, we should be ever cognizant of the example we are setting, avoiding actions that will set a negative example while taking advantage of our influence to set a good example.  We should maintain the standards ourselves and avoid any hint of hypocrisy.  We should model the behaviors we want our people to emulate.  We should show up and apply ourselves even when we are not the best or smartest, which will help motivate others to show up and apply themselves too.  And when we fail, we should set the example by admitting that failure and working to improve.  Setting the example is hard and constant work, but the reward is hard to overstate.  After the mock fitness test, one of the senior noncommissioned officers said to me “way to set the example, sir”, which made it all worth it.  So put in the effort and take advantage of your influence to set a positive example that inspires.  Your people will benefit from it and so will you.